Mastermind McTaggart is here to remind you of how we got to EWW Pick Your Poison on 16th July at Summerfields Leisure Centre in Hastings. Get your tickets via the EWW website or Hastings Tourist Information now to ensure you don’t miss out on what promises to be a night of high drama as Fight Factory return to the south coast looking for retribution after a wrestling genius – or Mastermind, if you will – outsmarted them.
Over the next few days, I’ll offer an honest and impartial analysis of all of the matches on the card. Remember, Stay-Sticky.co.uk is the only place on the internet where you can benefit from well-researched, professional journalism, so bookmark the website now and make sure you keep checking back for the latest breaking news.
19th March 2022 – EWW Revelations
This whole sorry saga started a few weeks before EWW Revelations when the misogynist Matty Spilatty convinced EWW Owner and Commissioner Lou Steel that having a woman as a champion is a bad thing. Despite the fact that Skarlett had been the face of the company and held the title for over three years previously, Spilatty got into Steel’s head. Admittedly this is not difficult, because the bloke is an idiot. And yes, while he is my boss, I can get away with writing that because he doesn’t do the internet because he thinks it’s going to give him a virus.
I digress.
Lou Steel then came up with a plan of his own. He invited the cretins from Fight Factory Wrestling to Revelations and named their former World and Anarchy Champion Dutch as the number one contender. Not content with forcing the injured Skarlett to defend her title without being medically cleared, Steel then took it upon himself to throw in the towel on her behalf, thus costing her the EWW Championship. A number of the FFW roster then invaded the ring and beat Skarlett down to add insult to injury.
In the aftermath, Matty Spilatty manipulated Skarlett into believing that a small group of EWW wrestlers had started this by invading FFW during their Bodyslams to Cancer show. I can confirm that I was named as part of this group. I would like to state that we were simply promoting EWW at our own time and expense, and in trying to educate the ignorant and illiterate people of Lincoln, we inadvertently upset some of the incestuous members of the audience.
A Brutal and Unnecessary Manhandling
Another key event happened earlier that same night when Jeff Leopard – accomplice to Matty Spilatty – assaulted me in the ring. After offering some friendly advice and guidance, Leopard severely injured my ear and Spilatty kicked me up the backside, sending me to the floor. I have no doubt that the distress caused by this uncomfortable sequence of events also contributed to distracting Skarlett ahead of her title match, as I know how much she cares for my safety.
28th May – All’s Fair in Love and War (Gainsborough)
A semblance of balance was restored at this Fight Factory show when the man that would later become known as Mastermind (that’s me) conceived a cunning plan to teach FFW management a lesson.
Firstly, I convinced Skarlett to turn on her friend Lory and walk away with the FFW Anarchy Championship at the end of a gruelling contest with Dutch. Then I suggested that she refuse to defend it in her scheduled match against one of the horrific FFW sputum.
But my greatest moment came in the main event. After taking my place at the commentary desk (where I educated the people of Gainsborough on how to speak English properly), I manipulated Spilatty into doing MY bidding. The misogynist was there managing Lupo Lee and FLX in the main event against FFW Tag Team Champions Reece and Rogan. My co-commentator Glen Bird called him an idiot, to which I agreed. “Tonight though, he’s on my team,” I said.
When the moment was right, the misogynist pulled off a referee – just when it looked like Reece and Rogan would retain the titles. I cunningly slid into the ring, revealed my referee shirt, and (after laying in a few punches and kicks of my own for good measure) counted to three.
And so here we are
Because we are an honourable wrestling company, at EWW Pick Your Poison we will have to endure the presence of a number of cretins from FFW.
Lory has wrangled her way into the women’s title match against Astrid and Maddi Almightyy.
Their champion KD has somehow got himself a St George’s Title match against Voodoo.
A selection of congenital northern monkeys will be taking on FLX and two partners of his choosing.
And the slimy Miss Rebecca and Dutch will once again be bringing the aesthetic of the venue down with their presence as Dutch faces Skarlett in a rematch.
One thing is very clear – this war is not over. Fight Factory will no doubt want their Tag Team titles back – and as far as EWW are concerned, this won’t be over until the EWW World Title is back within its rightful hands.
That Anarchy title though, has to be defended 24/7. I’ve made Billy aware…
